Jn 15:9-17
17 May 2009
6th Sunday of Easter
“Lay Down Your Life”
Some time ago, the Boston Globe ran a story that seems appropriate for our gospel
reading in John. It’s the story of Adele
Gaboury.[1]
“It can never be said that Adele Gaboury’s
neighbors were less than responsible,” the story goes. “When her lawn grew hip-high, they had a
local boy mow it down. When her pipes
froze and burst, they had the water turned off. When the mail spilled out the front door, they
called the police.
“The only thing they didn’t do was check to see if
she was alive. She wasn’t. On Monday, police climbed her crumbling brick
stoop, broke in the side door of her little blue house and found what they
believe to be the 73-year-old woman’s skeletal remains sunk in a five-foot-high
pile of trash where they had apparently lain for as long as four years.
“‘It’s not a very friendly neighborhood,’ said
Eileen Dugan [ya think?], 70, once a close friend of Gaboury’s, whose house
sits less than 20 feet from the dead woman’s home. ‘I’m as much to blame as anyone. She was alone and needed someone to talk to,
but I was working two jobs and was sick of her coming over at all hours. Eventually I stopped answering the door.’”
However, Ms. Dugan’s assessment of the
unfriendliness of the neighborhood isn’t shared by everyone. “‘They’re neighbors who
will help anybody,’ said Rose Girouard, who lives across the street. ‘My heart bleeds for her, but you can’t blame
a soul. She didn’t say hello to anyone.’”[2]
I don’t think I need to add anything; I don’t want
to be accused of piling on! Besides, as
comedians say, this stuff writes itself.
And it would be funny, if it
weren’t so sad. This is the
all-too-common picture of a neighborhood that isn’t neighborly. It’s a community that lacks community.
Most of the time, false community doesn’t result in
someone dying alone, and it literally
taking years for anyone to realize it.
This, admittedly, is an extreme example.
But I think Adele Gaboury can serve as a metaphor for the loss of what
psychiatrist Edward Hallowell calls the “human moment”: an authentic
encounter that can only take place when people share the same physical space.
There’s something about being in the presence of
another human being that can’t be simulated, not with letter or email, not with
telephone or internet. I wonder about
something. Does the fact that, when we
encounter another person—another made in the image of God—doesn’t that have a
lot to do with it?
I know—it’s not always easy to keep that in mind. I’m sure we can think of times when we simply
ignored someone. Maybe we walked right
past them. Sometimes we’re too busy; sometimes we’re too intimidated;
sometimes we just don’t care enough to recognize the presence of this other
human being. I have to say, that’s been true of me more often than I’d
like to admit.
Sometimes I’ve reminded myself that it doesn’t
require a soul-searching in-depth conversation, although that may happen.
I just need to mentally say, “Yes! I acknowledge that you exist!”
And then go from there. In doing that, we help build some of the
community I mentioned. We help people feel welcome. And, we can also give them a place where they can
“hang out.”
It’s been said of “‘hanging out,’…[that it’s] a special thing. There is no specific way to define the
experience, but everyone who has ever done it knows what it is all about.
It means, first, that you have friends…But aside from friends, there must also
be a Place…the Great, Good Place that [everyone] carries in his [or her] heart,
the place of safety, the place where the harshness of the real world is fended
off.”[3]
Everyone needs a place where they can hang
out. Some people find that place in a parking lot; some people find it at
a bar. Not being able to find
that place is the way I felt in junior high school (or middle school). The cafeteria was the worst. I really
didn’t have any friends, so I would try to find a group that I could sit next
to, a group that at least tolerated my presence. I hated lunchtime.
Here’s a question: how many people are there who hate coming to
church for that very same reason? “My commandment,” says Jesus, “is this: love one another, just as I love you” (v. 12,
GNB).
If you read our gospel text, I think you’ll notice
that, according to Jesus, love is much more than simply “being nice.” The love of Jesus is a muscular love. It makes demands on us. “You are my friends if you do what I command
you” (v. 14). But his commands aren’t
about following a list of rules and regulations, no matter how desperately we
would like to reduce them to that. It
would make it so much easier! Just tell
me what to do!
No, Jesus isn’t interested in raising an army to
follow him. “I do not call you servants any longer, because servants do not
know what their master is doing. Instead,
I call you friends, because I have told you everything I heard from my Father”
(v. 15, GNB). Jesus is interested in
making friends.
A true spirituality of friendship understands that friends serve each other. “No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” (v. 13). In Christ, there’s no contradiction between servanthood and friendship. It’s been noted that there’s no sense of wanting “to dominate or be dominated.”[4] There’s no sense of wanting to control or of allowing ourselves to be controlled.
But just what is this
business of laying down one’s life?
Correct me if I’m wrong (and please tell me later if that’s so!), but we
tend to limit that to someone actually losing their life—as in, no longer
having a pulse! I think, in a way, that
lets us off the hook. Because we don’t really think we’ll be called upon to
die, it actually waters down the words of Jesus.
But what if laying down one’s life truly extends to more than what
keeps us breathing? What if it extends
to everything about us—how we see ourselves? What if it means being willing to lay down our
opinions? What if it means laying down
our prejudices? And please, let’s not
pretend like we don’t have any!
We can see this at work in the public arena. It doesn’t take much time listening to talk
radio, or watching so-called news programs on cable TV, to get plenty of
hot-headed debate, rather than cool-headed discussion. Sometimes it seems that a civilized disagreement,
with a good faith exchange of ideas, is more the exception than the rule. In the face of this, what does Jesus’ call to
lay down your life mean?
Certainly one thing it
means is learning a truly Christian
approach to conflict. There are plenty
of resources in the Bible and (should I say amazingly enough?) in the Presbyterian Church to guide us. I say “amazingly enough,” because one of our
skills seems to be getting into “a good, hard fight,” as my Presbyterian pastor
in Philadelphia once said.
On the back of our worship bulletin, you see a document I’ve
adapted from something posted on our presbytery’s website.[5] “Seeking to be Faithful Together” was passed
by the General Assembly back in 1992.
The suggestion has been that, at all levels of the church, starting with
congregations and sessions, we agree to abide by these principles. I won’t go into great detail; I’ll just
comment on two or three of them.
Look at the second one: “Share our concerns directly
with individuals or groups with whom we have disagreements in a spirit of love
and respect in keeping with Jesus’ teaching.”
In other words, don’t go behind someone’s back; go to the person. What happens is called triangulation. I have a beef with Joe Blow, but instead of
working things out with him, I go to Sally Sue, and try to make her my ally!
The
one after that is a good one, too. “Focus on ideas and suggestions,
instead of questioning people’s motives, intelligence, or integrity.” If we aren’t willing to set aside cynical
assumptions about each other, we’re not going to get very far.
This
guideline continues, “We will not engage in name-calling or labeling of others
prior to, during, or following the discussion.”
As Jesus says in Matthew 7, “Do not judge, so that you may not be
judged. For with the judgment you make
you will be judged” (vv. 1-2). There’s a
warning about pretending to know too much about each other.
But
there’s one of these little jewels that, in my opinion, is most directly linked
to the life of the church. Notice number
eight. “Seek to stay in community with each other, although the discussion
may be vigorous and full of tension. We
will be ready to forgive and be forgiven.”
This ties together everything I’ve mentioned so far: from actually being a neighbor, to providing
“the Great, Good Place” to “hang
out,” to hearing Jesus’ call to love each other.
In a recent issue of the Utne Reader, there was an article with a quote I found very
interesting. The quote was about a
fill-in-the-blank sentence used in cross-cultural studies.[6]
“People
are asked to complete the sentence ‘I love my mother but…’ [Maybe I also find it appropriate since
Mother’s Day was just last week!
Anyway…] In Western countries,
the usual response is critical and distancing, something along the lines of ‘I
love my mother but…she’s just so difficult.’
“In
Southeast Asia, the usual response is ‘I love my mother but…I can never repay
all that she has done for me.’ What
makes the exercise so powerful is that most people cannot imagine the other
response until they are presented with it. As self-reliant Americans, we are
automatically prepared to question the value of our strongest bonds and to step
away from them when necessary, relying instead on ourselves.”
I
must confess, when I first read the sentence, I also was expecting something
like, “I love my mother, but sometimes she drives me crazy!” (Of course, I am not speaking of my own
mother!)
This
applies not only to cross-cultural studies, but unfortunately, it also applies
to the church. As much as anyone else—as
much as any other American—I know I’ve had to be careful about thinking I can
rely on myself. We’re so brainwashed
into seeing ourselves as consumers of commodities, rather than collaborators
with God in creating community.
In the current issue of the Christian Century, Gregory Boyd says, “As good consumers, we
typically choose a church on the basis of our own preferences, conveniences,
and needs…If one church fails to please us, we simply shop for another that
will.”[7]
This
leads to a church environment that “not only fails to confront the idols and
pagan values of Western culture, it often Christianizes them.” For example, “[n]ot only do we not have to love and serve our enemies,
as Jesus commands, but God is on our side when we applaud our nation for
bombing them.”[8]
I
realize that I’ve barely scratched the surface of exploring the idea of laying
down our lives. I’ve opened some
possible beginnings to where it may lead.
Maybe you’re wondering, as I often have, is this even a good idea? Is it really necessary? Another question may be: how can I do this? Where can I find the resources to make it
happen?
A
change of pronouns may be in order.
Instead of, “How can I do this?” the question becomes, “How can we do this?” Remember guideline number eight: seek
to stay in community with each other.
Verse
17 helps with these questions. If we
want to follow Jesus—if we want to accept his offer of friendship, then it’s
settled. The NRSV says, “I am giving you
these commands so that you may love one another.” To Jesus, it’s not up for debate. “I’m ordering you,” he says, “to do what is
best for you and for everyone else.”
It’s hard to argue with that, but you better believe, we still find ways
to do it!
Here’s
my humble suggestion. What do you say
that we agree together to take up Jesus on his offer of friendship? I have a feeling that we’ll be asked to lay down
some stuff that we’d be better off without anyway!
[1] www.homileticsonline.com/Installments/aug1599.htm
[2] www.nytimes.com/1993/10/28/us/a-recluse-it-turns-out-was-long-dead.html
[3] www.homileticsonline.com/Installments/aug1599.htm
[4] wwwstaff.murdoch.edu.au/~loader/MkEaster6.htm
[5] www.presbyteryofgeneva.org/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/faithful-together.pdf
[6] www.utne.com/Spirituality/Reconnect-Technology-Society-Lonely-American.aspx
[7] Gregory Boyd, “Created for Community,” Christian Century 126:10 (19 May 2009): 23.
[8] Boyd, 23.